So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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