If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
