You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
