Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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