I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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