I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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