I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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