I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
