alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
