I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
