I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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