If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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