How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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