how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
