Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
