oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i think my cat just said my name.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
there is another microwave in the elevator.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
