Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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