Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
