i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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