ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
