I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Couch. On fire.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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