I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
