from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Randomize
