Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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