I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
