She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
