a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
