O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she told me i tasted like america
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
