I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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