Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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