WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
