dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
