Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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