Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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