update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my sisters under your porch take her home
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
