bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
