Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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