dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
