did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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