well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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