She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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