I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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