I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
