He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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