..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
