the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
