it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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