we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
