My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
