I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's shark week go big or go home
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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