People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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